the thing is...i feel stronger when i do. having a heart isnt my thing. it really makes me wonder how other people can draw strength from their hearts. they become unstoppable. their will, their determination illuminates beautifully, radiating a warm and infectious glow, melting down obstacles as they go along. i cant do that with my heart. i noticed that ever since i started having feelings, thats the same moment i started living in fear. im not strong enough to feel pain. i feel im rotting from the inside.
back when i was cold and emotionless, i had no worries. i feared nothing because i felt nothing. my mind functioned effectively and efficiently. i absorbed knowledge like my skin can absorb it from the surrounding air. my level of comprehension of things around me was incredible. i really felt like i was one with whatever im supposed to be one with. i was at peace. i was unstoppable in a way. my determination was stronger when im not bothered by feelings. looking back, i think its whats right for me. its time to embrace solitude once again.
