lost again!

tired of losing battles with myself! Eve6 would probably say, "change your mind!" or change your state of mind. it isnt that easy! especially when my mind has the advantage over me. it just sucks. i mean, here i was trying to improve myself and when im drained and trying to recharge myself to continue my momentum on studying habitually, my mind pulls a fast one on me. since im too drained to resist the intense feeling of laziness and the headaches my mind is throwing at me, i gave up and just slept, hoping by the time i wake up, my mind would be a little clearer. when i got home, still feeling very drained. slept again. hours later, my mind seems to have a good hold on me, i cant force myself to do anything but sleep. not that i dont want to study (actually that's what i want to do right now), but try as i might, (and i did try several times), my mind either makes me feel like i took a sleeping pill, or it hovers somewhere else, meaning i cant focus on what im doing. and right now, my "spidey" sense is tingling. ok, not tingling and not even spidey sense. i dont even know what it is. well, its a rash. a rash that appears on the same spot on my arm from time to time and varies in size. i dont know what it means or what it signifies everytime it appears. but its there now and its itchy. actually, its not a rash, im sorry, its more of an insect bite. and like i said, it appears from time to time and its on the same exact spot on my arm. it wasnt there when i switched on the PC but its there after i talked on the phone. i just dont know why an insect bite looking rash appears and disappears. there's got to be a reason. anyway, im digressing, going back to losing battles to myself. it sucks! im really getting tired of it. other people would say i just lack of discipline. maybe they are right but try telling that to the ones who takes charge of my brain whenever im drained. i mean, thats the only time the inmates run the asylum, when im too weak to protest and counter their stealth attacks. its a never ending conflict inside my head.