the fifteenth

lately, ive been hating the 15th of the month. now im thinking about april 15. do i know someone born under this date? i dont think so. but somehow i feel that april 15 is somewhat significant. did anything happen in the past that fell on the 15th of april? i dont know. if i dont remember then it must be not significant enough. whats with the 15th of april? well, if i cant find anything significant about it but i still think theres something important about the date, it only means one thing...i should do something to make it significant. makes sense.  now i would have a reason to say that april 15 is important. im just tired of being nice. ive gone too soft. i think its time to bring back chaos and hatred. 

missing my old self

where the hell is my old self!!!! i miss my coldhearted, twisted self who finds pleasure in choking people's necks just to see them in pain. who likes to play mind games and manipulate people's perceptions. who likes to conjure sick plans just to upset the established order. ive gone too soft, too nice that it sickens me. i hate myself right now. ive been hating myself for 2 months now. i hate it when im not rational. i hate it when i dont think properly. i hate it when im truly nice. im really, really stupid right now. 

the living dead

i went to see the eraserhead's final set concert last night. it was good. it was memorable. i had a great time. but i didnt really feel much compared to the first installment of the reunion concert. not sure if it really was the concert itself but im starting to think that my love for other things, like the eraserheads and their music, has started to dwindle considerably. well, my sibling's didnt love it as much as the first, so i guess maybe it was the concert. maybe im just worrying that the reason why i dont have that much love for other things is because i died the moment i started to live. and my question to myself is, would i rather be dead or would i endure living a life im not used to?