missing my old self

where the hell is my old self!!!! i miss my coldhearted, twisted self who finds pleasure in choking people's necks just to see them in pain. who likes to play mind games and manipulate people's perceptions. who likes to conjure sick plans just to upset the established order. ive gone too soft, too nice that it sickens me. i hate myself right now. ive been hating myself for 2 months now. i hate it when im not rational. i hate it when i dont think properly. i hate it when im truly nice. im really, really stupid right now.