im the greatest

i realized im such a great guy. i honestly think i am. im not perfect. why would i want to be perfect in an imperfect world? it would be pointless. its like wearing a white suit on a farm on a rainy day. it may look great but it doesnt really fit in. its like trying to be a god on earth. its silly because god's dont belong on earth. they may be worshipped but whats the point being worshipped by worthless mortals. and being perfect is plain boring. trying to be perfect is a whole different thing.

anyway, yeah, i am a great guy. i just realized that. if i were to believe what people say about me, my flaws arent bad enough to make me...not great. problem is, my form of greatness isnt really the fun kind. that kinda sucks. and im not great enough to demand stuff. being great sucks.

No!

No matter how hard you plan your life. Life has a plan for you on it's own. Life being what it is - a series of intersecting lives and incidents, out of anyone's control...resistance is futile (Wedding Daze, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Star Trek).

If that's what life is all about, then my answer to it is NO! with a big N and O. NO! life's plan sucks.

im starting to find peace. im starting to be ok again. so please life, leave me alone. i want no more surprises of the very disruptive kind. actually, im wondering, how the hell do you plan to execute your plan? i mean, really, is this how you do it? by being a pest?

im one of those people who believe there's no such thing as coincidence and everything happens for a fucking reason. so far life you havent given me a good reason.

the five scariest words

i never thought how scary these five words can be until you actually hear it: pakasalan mo ang anak ko. holy crap! even if it was said in a non-threatening manner, its still the five scariest words put together.

my head hurts

damn it. im going to baguio tonight and im feeling a bit dizzy. and i drank alcohol last weekend. and i have no idea about the status of my blood condition. too late for a check-up. when i went to baguio for the block xmas party, i had my blood checked one week before (and i conditioned my body weeks before by walking home from school which is a considerable distance and is good exercise). well, im too busy to drop by a doctor's clinic.

actually, ive been feeling dizzy lately. no headaches though. only now. will i live long enough until thursday? i think my current condition isnt that bad. im just out of shape. and currently in physical pain. the things i endure.

and a portion of my upper body hurts when i laugh. thats...annoying. its like i feel pain whenever i express joy.

2012

if 2012 is what i think it is, then it will be proof that there's no such thing as coincidence. well, i have to live long enough to ascertain that 2012 is what i think it is. right now, all i can say is that i think its an interesting and peculiar year. and if my assessment is right, all my personal roads lead to that one year. 2012.