im truly happy when it rains

i hope it will rain today. hopefully it will rain hard. really really hard. the same way it rained a few days ago. sure it only lasted for a few minutes, maybe half an hour but in that small interval of time, it made feel im seeing a glimpse of the wrath of God. seeing the rain and the strong wind pour in a manner that nothing can deny them of their intended course. i liked it to the point that i found it hard not to smile. i must have looked like an idiot while everyone in the jeepney was bothered with how strong the rain was, i was trying not to smile. i really found the destructive weather very pleasant.

pop goes the weasel

i might be restraining myself too much. i always try to control everything i do and everything that i say. lately, ive been suffering from sleepless nights and very violent dreams. and there are instances where REM atonia fails and i lose the motor inhibition during the REM stage of my sleep. one time i dreamt of shouting at someone for interrupting me while i was talking only to wake up acting out what i was just dreaming about with one hand pointing in the dark to where the person i was shouting at was supposed to be (im inherently a dictator with a very short temper. the only reason i like democracy is because im not in power. it sucks to be in a dictatorship and be at the powerless end of the system). fortunately, despite the REM atonia failure, it didnt restore the use of my vocal chords or i would have been heard shouting in the middle of the night. this is why i always keep my door closed and locked while im asleep. its for everybody's safety. maybe i should loosen up a bit? nah. i think i would rather snap. i find the abruptness in it appealing.