im starting to feel like edward norton in fight club. i feel like im pulling tricks on me and there's a tyler durden lurking. i havent had sleepless nights for quite some time and so im not an insomniac lately. but what if thats not really true. i mean, am i even sure if im awake right now?
i dont know. lately, ive been tempted to ask people if ive instructed them to not tell me things that ive been doing lately. the same way when edward norton started asking members of the fight club not to talk to him but answer only to tyler durden. of course, this is paranoia. pure and simple. i dont even know why i feel that way. there are mornings i would wake up feeling weird and very tired. i remember the things ive done before i sleep but how sure am i that i really did sleep? or that my memories are real and not altered by a split personality? i havent had memory gaps for years. what if a split personality is filling it in with fake memories? i mean, my other personalities have been quiet for months now. i mean, there's not much mood swings lately.
also, ive been withdrawing from people lately. if that is true then people wont have a clue if im up to something weird or doing something weird. so asking things from them wont be much help.
its really hard to know or realize if youve gone mad. how could you possibly determine if you're crazy right? if you still have a sense of sanity, the fact that your crazy means that the insane side has taken over. if it has taken over, then sanity would have a hard time taking control again because insanity itself is seen to be something very irrational. how can a rational sane mind fight the irrational when it follows no rules? by forcing conformity? i mean, thats the safest approach sanity can adopt, i think. just follow the rules of conformity and socially acceptable practices. you cant go wrong with that right? an insane mind cant possibly exist in a strictly conformist world. as logn as sanity can force this in the insane mind, control can be regained by sanity. problem is, what if that is exactly what insanity wants sanity to think. that insanity is making sanity to believe that the person is living in the world and conforming to its norms when in fact, its all make believe or all in the head. its like making sanity think that the world is moving when reality the world is standing still. if insanity is in control, it can pull off all the illusion and different forms of deception it possibly can. it is an erratic force of irrationality. but isnt the fact that im writing this means im sane. well yes if i really am writing this and someone from the real and sane world can read this.
1 comment:
Well written article.
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