Tuesday, October 2, 2007
pleasant view
how come large boobs and hot legs and nice asses, for some reason, have magnetic effects? i mean, if you see large, plump and somewhat succulent looking breast, the eyes of an average guy finds it (the wonderful breasts) on its own and cant stop taking glimpses (for those with weak minds who lose control of their eyes easily, cant stop their eyes from staring at it). the same is true for long, sexy, sizzling legs. if a guy sees a girl wearing short shorts, he cant prevent himself from looking. and that doesnt stop there, he has to look at where the legs begin, which is the hot piece of ass (most of the time) that completes the magnificent sight. even if the guy doesnt mean to look, once his eyes detected it, most likely, his eyes wont be able to resist and would need to take a second glance. and then a third and a fourth and so on until the boobs or the legs or the ass is out of sight. these female body parts do have strong magnetic forces for some reason. wait, let me make it more accurate. these female body parts dont have magnetic forces per se, only some females possess or have the ability of attracting the male eyes and exercising some form of control over it. ive experienced it so many times and im still puzzled up to this day. its not i lose my mind, its just my eyes start to have a mind of its own. even if i try to distract myself and let my mind wander and float to a far away place (like the kingdom of dusts or a castle made of shards of glass. what you think about doesnt have to make sense, all you need is something weird enough to grab your attention temporarily, long enough for the magnetic force of the boob, ass and/or legs disappers), my eyes still find a way to look at it again. the next thing i know, im looking at the heavenly view, again and might be staring already. if its heavenly, why not look at it? because im a sinner and dont deserve to look at such a captivating sight. the more you look, you become more of a sinner. and besides, if people see you staring or even taking too many glimpses, people would find that sinful and really offensive. thats another thing i dont get with society and people. if women wear these short shorts and tight shirts, arent we suppose to look at them and appreciate the beauty that emanates from it? for some reason, society has trained guys to be embarassed to look too much or stare or glimpse too much at such hot and intensely attractive parts of the female body (which of course isnt true to all, maybe only to most guys, or just some). i mean, why wear a skirt and all day long you keep pulling it down? if youre not comfortable wearing it or worried guys would keep looking at your marvelous legs, dont wear it. like i said, those legs are like magnets. they attract male eyes. but then again, thats also dangerous because some guys just dont get it. guys can only look at it and nothing else unless permitted by the owner of the body part to do something more than just look. the clothing that exemplifies the magnificence of the legs, the breast or even the ass does not mean that guys can harass the owners of such wonderful female body parts (sorry if i use the term "body part", im not in the mood to think of a better term and besides, it sounds more "anatomical" and less sleazy). if the girl is worried guys might see her panties, then dont wear skirts that short in the first place if all day long you would worry about it. there was this girl in powerplant who wore such a short skirt and didnt worry if her panties can be seen. well, it turned out she was a lingerie model so she was comfortable with what she was wearing. did we stare? nope, we were too embarassed of course. but still, its hard not to admire her set of legs. too bad, we cant take a picture, that would be just too much.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
stop listening!
call me crazy because i might just be. its been weeks that ive suspected that people can hear my thoughts. its like everyone's a mind reader. here i am, sitting, minding my own business when some people talk to me and they talk to me about what im thinking. exactly what im thinking at that moment! example, im being quiet, not saying anything and i look at a person and i think of something im going to say or would say sometime later and that person suddenly looks at me and answers me as if i just said what i was thinking. ok, this happened only twice. coincidence most likely right? but it appeared to me during that time that they heard me and they didnt know i didnt speak because they werent looking at me.
the other instances were just people telling me stuff which coincided with what i was thinking earlier or a day ago or days ago which i didnt bring up. its like, they answer me even before i ask. like i said, im crazy. i think im paranoid. well, i am paranoid. i wont argue against that. my mind likes to play tricks on me. convinces me to believe things that a rational and sane person would shrug off easily for being absurd and extremely idiotic and silly.
the other instances were just people telling me stuff which coincided with what i was thinking earlier or a day ago or days ago which i didnt bring up. its like, they answer me even before i ask. like i said, im crazy. i think im paranoid. well, i am paranoid. i wont argue against that. my mind likes to play tricks on me. convinces me to believe things that a rational and sane person would shrug off easily for being absurd and extremely idiotic and silly.
rage here rage there
for some reason, i was filled with rage this morning. but of course, its all in my head. i really dont express the rage im feeling or else i would be imprisoned either in jail or in a mental institution (temporarily of course because once the rage subsides, im back to my harmless and sane, or almost sane, self). its like letting the incredible hulk loose and the only difference is that i dont grow those big muscles and dont turn green (or gray, if you want to be comic book geeky about it). its like having this tall guy breaking stuff and growling incoherent phrases and incomprehensible grunts (i mean, grunts can be comprehensible you know).
anyway, dont know where the rage came from. here i was in the library, reading assigned readings when all of a sudden, a surge of rage comes filling my...umm..senses? point is, im suddently filled with rage and of course hatred. its like i want to burn the building down. of course, i try to control it so that there wont be a manifestation of such violent anger. or potentially violent anger. its like i want to kill people indiscriminately just to blow off the so-called steam. i just want to go berserk just to release it. but of course, theres a time and place for that and im far from both of it. so i take a deep breath and force myself to relax. i try not to think of anything. so that was my morning. doing some breathing exercises because the rage keeps popping up from time to time.
maybe my body's psychic (whoa, i dont think ive ever heard this before. the mind is usually the clairvoyant part of man, and not the body). i mean, on the latter part of the day, i was so pissed. i was starving because i havent eaten for 9 hours. i got called and my recitation wasnt good. i was drained and tired and no longer absorbing anything from the class but the class just kept going and going. it was hard to commute because it was very late. i wasnt able to return the videos i rented which were already overdue and i saw some of those who work in the video store heading home (meaning, they just closed, probably not more than an hour before i saw them). when i ordered some food from mcdonalds, i had to wait for a few more minutes (it mattered because i was starving! fast food is suppose to be fast! is that too much to ask?). even with this very lousy and irritating day, i didnt feel the rage i felt earlier. it was a good thing because had i felt the rage during the latter part of the day, it would be harder to control. i would have gotten myself into a fight with a stranger. i could have pushed the guy in front of me off the moving jeepney while it was running on the elliptical road. i would have stood on the cashier counter of mcdonalds and kicked their cash registers. i could have elbowed the face of the guy sitting beside me. ok, maybe im exaggerating, except for the last one because i was really tempted to elbow his face just for the sake of releasing some anger. i mean, if my body was psychic and knew that im going to have a bad day, might as well get rid of the rage before i get really pissed due to legitimate reasons. i mean, its easier to feel the rage when there's nothing to be angry about because the rational side would be in full control of the situation. i was so pissed during the latter part of the day that i was muttering profanities during the class. of course not loud enough for people to hear, i hope. if the rage kicked in, i would have shouted and violently demanded that the class should be stopped because it was way beyond 830pm and its getting late. ok, maybe not violently demanded but rudely protested. not sure if the rage im feeling is a result of 10 years of not losing my temper. ok, thats another exaggeration. ive lost my temper from time to time and when i do, i cant stop myself from hitting things and throwing stuff. when i know i cant control my anger and i still have enough strength to control it, i sometimes pick something to destroy and go somewhere where ill be alone and release the anger. i remember picking up my badminton racket, going to my room and "mutilated" my racket by hitting the wall until my racket cant be used to hit anything. i sometimes punch my monitor when the internet connection is just so fucking intermittent. sorry for that PC monitor. good thing it didnt break. well, i didnt break the screen but eventually, with the number of times ive punched its screen, it had some internal damages, so it broke down last saturday. that is, if the diagnosis of the technician was correct. im tempted to buy a baseball bat so that i can use it to hit things when im pissed. and what i want to hit are side mirrors. ok, thats a bit expensive because i dont think i could get away with that. windshields would also be nice. or throwing tv sets from building windows.
anyway, dont know where the rage came from. here i was in the library, reading assigned readings when all of a sudden, a surge of rage comes filling my...umm..senses? point is, im suddently filled with rage and of course hatred. its like i want to burn the building down. of course, i try to control it so that there wont be a manifestation of such violent anger. or potentially violent anger. its like i want to kill people indiscriminately just to blow off the so-called steam. i just want to go berserk just to release it. but of course, theres a time and place for that and im far from both of it. so i take a deep breath and force myself to relax. i try not to think of anything. so that was my morning. doing some breathing exercises because the rage keeps popping up from time to time.
maybe my body's psychic (whoa, i dont think ive ever heard this before. the mind is usually the clairvoyant part of man, and not the body). i mean, on the latter part of the day, i was so pissed. i was starving because i havent eaten for 9 hours. i got called and my recitation wasnt good. i was drained and tired and no longer absorbing anything from the class but the class just kept going and going. it was hard to commute because it was very late. i wasnt able to return the videos i rented which were already overdue and i saw some of those who work in the video store heading home (meaning, they just closed, probably not more than an hour before i saw them). when i ordered some food from mcdonalds, i had to wait for a few more minutes (it mattered because i was starving! fast food is suppose to be fast! is that too much to ask?). even with this very lousy and irritating day, i didnt feel the rage i felt earlier. it was a good thing because had i felt the rage during the latter part of the day, it would be harder to control. i would have gotten myself into a fight with a stranger. i could have pushed the guy in front of me off the moving jeepney while it was running on the elliptical road. i would have stood on the cashier counter of mcdonalds and kicked their cash registers. i could have elbowed the face of the guy sitting beside me. ok, maybe im exaggerating, except for the last one because i was really tempted to elbow his face just for the sake of releasing some anger. i mean, if my body was psychic and knew that im going to have a bad day, might as well get rid of the rage before i get really pissed due to legitimate reasons. i mean, its easier to feel the rage when there's nothing to be angry about because the rational side would be in full control of the situation. i was so pissed during the latter part of the day that i was muttering profanities during the class. of course not loud enough for people to hear, i hope. if the rage kicked in, i would have shouted and violently demanded that the class should be stopped because it was way beyond 830pm and its getting late. ok, maybe not violently demanded but rudely protested. not sure if the rage im feeling is a result of 10 years of not losing my temper. ok, thats another exaggeration. ive lost my temper from time to time and when i do, i cant stop myself from hitting things and throwing stuff. when i know i cant control my anger and i still have enough strength to control it, i sometimes pick something to destroy and go somewhere where ill be alone and release the anger. i remember picking up my badminton racket, going to my room and "mutilated" my racket by hitting the wall until my racket cant be used to hit anything. i sometimes punch my monitor when the internet connection is just so fucking intermittent. sorry for that PC monitor. good thing it didnt break. well, i didnt break the screen but eventually, with the number of times ive punched its screen, it had some internal damages, so it broke down last saturday. that is, if the diagnosis of the technician was correct. im tempted to buy a baseball bat so that i can use it to hit things when im pissed. and what i want to hit are side mirrors. ok, thats a bit expensive because i dont think i could get away with that. windshields would also be nice. or throwing tv sets from building windows.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
sausage fest and pretty chicks
one thing i like with riding jeeps is the chance of getting to ride with a pretty girl. i prefer not to sit beside them so i can look at them and admire their beauty. im not a pervert. it just so happens that its nice to look at a pretty face while riding the jeep and waiting to get to your destination. i mean, there really isnt much going outside or there's not much to see outside the jeepney. there might be a scenery of some sort but ive seen it a million times. its a daily route after all. why the crap would i enjoy looking outside the jeepney. the only time that would happen if theres something unusual that occurred and that doesnt happen often. thats probably why drivers tend to slow down and try to take long looks at car crashes. not even car crashes, even minor accidents like fender benders. so it worsen traffic flows because not only is there an obstruction on the road, the passing cars slow down near the accident area.
anyway, i get disappointed when i ride a jeepney filled with guys. i call it a sausage fest borrowing the term from the movie Eurotrip. thats why sometimes i dont ride a jeepney when i see from afar that its mostly guys. the short trip wont be fun. of course, an exception would be is when im in a hurry so i wont be that choosy. and when i get to ride a jeepney filled with women, i quickly scan for the pretty one. if there is none, at least im riding with females or sitting beside one. i would rather sit beside a girl than a guy of course. not because im homophobic but cmon if you think about it and if given a chance to choose, would a guy choose to sit beside a guy or a girl? isnt it human nature for a guy to prefer to sit beside a girl than have a guy keep brushing himself against you? ive experienced that and it irritated me a lot. i wanted to say, what the crap is wrong with you? why do you keep brushing against me? are you gay or something? but of course, if that was a girl, i wont complain. i wont feel awkward. the same thing can be said when the person sitting beside you is falling asleep. you wont mind if it was a girl that occassionally rest her head on your shoulder but if it was a guy, you'd probably move your shoulder away.
anyway, i get disappointed when i ride a jeepney filled with guys. i call it a sausage fest borrowing the term from the movie Eurotrip. thats why sometimes i dont ride a jeepney when i see from afar that its mostly guys. the short trip wont be fun. of course, an exception would be is when im in a hurry so i wont be that choosy. and when i get to ride a jeepney filled with women, i quickly scan for the pretty one. if there is none, at least im riding with females or sitting beside one. i would rather sit beside a girl than a guy of course. not because im homophobic but cmon if you think about it and if given a chance to choose, would a guy choose to sit beside a guy or a girl? isnt it human nature for a guy to prefer to sit beside a girl than have a guy keep brushing himself against you? ive experienced that and it irritated me a lot. i wanted to say, what the crap is wrong with you? why do you keep brushing against me? are you gay or something? but of course, if that was a girl, i wont complain. i wont feel awkward. the same thing can be said when the person sitting beside you is falling asleep. you wont mind if it was a girl that occassionally rest her head on your shoulder but if it was a guy, you'd probably move your shoulder away.
making things less creepy
i saw a creepy old guy last week when i went to megamall. the old guy eyed me up! it creeped me out because i thought he was following me. i mean, i was there minding my own business reading the movie schedule on a bulletin board of some sort when this old guy stood beside me and looked at me from head to toe and just kept doing that while i was reading the schedule. i walked away and wandered around the mall and minutes later, i saw him again looking at me. this time i was on a different floor and ive been walking for quite some time already. so i thought, was he following me? why? i dont know him, i made sure of that. i took a good look and im sure ive never seen him before. so why is he looking at me like that? is he checking me out? i hope not.
so while walking away from the mall and heading toward the MRT just to get away, i tried to think of possibilities why that old guy was doing that eyeing me up thing. trying to rationalize stuff so i wont be creeped out. well, having the fertile imagination, wait, not really fertile but crazy imagination i have, two theories of weird origins made the situation less creepy.
first theory: he came from the future! i mean, what if this old guy was sent from the future to make sure that i dont stay in the mall. he looked like he was making sure i am who i am by looking at me like that. its like, "is he the guy im supposed to talk to or warn"? maybe he came 50 years from the future and probably if he knows me from the future, ive aged a lot. so he was trying make sure that he didnt interact with the wrong guy. so maybe his instruction was that to make me go away from the mall. if it was, then he accomplished his mission by creeping me out. maybe he was told that im a bit homophobic. so by acting like a creepy old man, i would be freaked out and head as far as away from the mall. why should i not be in megamall? maybe im going to be killed by some crazy serial killer who hates tall guys wandering in malls. or what if he's a bad guy from the future who scared me away from the mall so i wont meet the girl im supposed to fall in love with. crap! if thats the case, he also accomplished his mission. another possibility is that he was supposed to tell me a message from the future and was making sure im the right guy. well, if that was his mission, then he failed because he creeped me out before he could tell me the message. but i doubt that. if it was me who would send a person to tell me a message, i would pick a hot girl with the message written on one of her boobs. what if they ran out of hot chicks in the future and the only one available was the creepy old guy? well, then that future is not worth living in and i would probably be having a miserable time. maybe thats why he sent the old guy back, so that future wont happen. shit. i just ruined the future then. well, ruined it for straight guys. i think straight guys are a dying breed.
second theory: the sixth sense! i see dead people and the first dead guy i see is this creepy old man. the reason he was eyeing me up is because he cant believe i can see him and he's making sure i can see him. but why didnt he tell me something or just ask. if he's really a ghost and saw a living person capable of seeing him, i dont think he would be speechless. i mean, i should be the one speechless if i see dead people. also, the people around him dont seem to be paying attention to him, as if he was invisible. but then again, people in malls just mind their own business.
so why are these theories less creepy when the first talks about the future and the other is about seeing dead people? well, maybe because they're amusing and less probable and unrealistic than facing the possibility that the old guy was really checking me out. i mean, i would choose the two theories i made up than think that the old guy looked me from head to toe just because he likes to look at me like that. thats creepy.
so while walking away from the mall and heading toward the MRT just to get away, i tried to think of possibilities why that old guy was doing that eyeing me up thing. trying to rationalize stuff so i wont be creeped out. well, having the fertile imagination, wait, not really fertile but crazy imagination i have, two theories of weird origins made the situation less creepy.
first theory: he came from the future! i mean, what if this old guy was sent from the future to make sure that i dont stay in the mall. he looked like he was making sure i am who i am by looking at me like that. its like, "is he the guy im supposed to talk to or warn"? maybe he came 50 years from the future and probably if he knows me from the future, ive aged a lot. so he was trying make sure that he didnt interact with the wrong guy. so maybe his instruction was that to make me go away from the mall. if it was, then he accomplished his mission by creeping me out. maybe he was told that im a bit homophobic. so by acting like a creepy old man, i would be freaked out and head as far as away from the mall. why should i not be in megamall? maybe im going to be killed by some crazy serial killer who hates tall guys wandering in malls. or what if he's a bad guy from the future who scared me away from the mall so i wont meet the girl im supposed to fall in love with. crap! if thats the case, he also accomplished his mission. another possibility is that he was supposed to tell me a message from the future and was making sure im the right guy. well, if that was his mission, then he failed because he creeped me out before he could tell me the message. but i doubt that. if it was me who would send a person to tell me a message, i would pick a hot girl with the message written on one of her boobs. what if they ran out of hot chicks in the future and the only one available was the creepy old guy? well, then that future is not worth living in and i would probably be having a miserable time. maybe thats why he sent the old guy back, so that future wont happen. shit. i just ruined the future then. well, ruined it for straight guys. i think straight guys are a dying breed.
second theory: the sixth sense! i see dead people and the first dead guy i see is this creepy old man. the reason he was eyeing me up is because he cant believe i can see him and he's making sure i can see him. but why didnt he tell me something or just ask. if he's really a ghost and saw a living person capable of seeing him, i dont think he would be speechless. i mean, i should be the one speechless if i see dead people. also, the people around him dont seem to be paying attention to him, as if he was invisible. but then again, people in malls just mind their own business.
so why are these theories less creepy when the first talks about the future and the other is about seeing dead people? well, maybe because they're amusing and less probable and unrealistic than facing the possibility that the old guy was really checking me out. i mean, i would choose the two theories i made up than think that the old guy looked me from head to toe just because he likes to look at me like that. thats creepy.
fight club syndrome
im starting to feel like edward norton in fight club. i feel like im pulling tricks on me and there's a tyler durden lurking. i havent had sleepless nights for quite some time and so im not an insomniac lately. but what if thats not really true. i mean, am i even sure if im awake right now?
i dont know. lately, ive been tempted to ask people if ive instructed them to not tell me things that ive been doing lately. the same way when edward norton started asking members of the fight club not to talk to him but answer only to tyler durden. of course, this is paranoia. pure and simple. i dont even know why i feel that way. there are mornings i would wake up feeling weird and very tired. i remember the things ive done before i sleep but how sure am i that i really did sleep? or that my memories are real and not altered by a split personality? i havent had memory gaps for years. what if a split personality is filling it in with fake memories? i mean, my other personalities have been quiet for months now. i mean, there's not much mood swings lately.
also, ive been withdrawing from people lately. if that is true then people wont have a clue if im up to something weird or doing something weird. so asking things from them wont be much help.
its really hard to know or realize if youve gone mad. how could you possibly determine if you're crazy right? if you still have a sense of sanity, the fact that your crazy means that the insane side has taken over. if it has taken over, then sanity would have a hard time taking control again because insanity itself is seen to be something very irrational. how can a rational sane mind fight the irrational when it follows no rules? by forcing conformity? i mean, thats the safest approach sanity can adopt, i think. just follow the rules of conformity and socially acceptable practices. you cant go wrong with that right? an insane mind cant possibly exist in a strictly conformist world. as logn as sanity can force this in the insane mind, control can be regained by sanity. problem is, what if that is exactly what insanity wants sanity to think. that insanity is making sanity to believe that the person is living in the world and conforming to its norms when in fact, its all make believe or all in the head. its like making sanity think that the world is moving when reality the world is standing still. if insanity is in control, it can pull off all the illusion and different forms of deception it possibly can. it is an erratic force of irrationality. but isnt the fact that im writing this means im sane. well yes if i really am writing this and someone from the real and sane world can read this.
i dont know. lately, ive been tempted to ask people if ive instructed them to not tell me things that ive been doing lately. the same way when edward norton started asking members of the fight club not to talk to him but answer only to tyler durden. of course, this is paranoia. pure and simple. i dont even know why i feel that way. there are mornings i would wake up feeling weird and very tired. i remember the things ive done before i sleep but how sure am i that i really did sleep? or that my memories are real and not altered by a split personality? i havent had memory gaps for years. what if a split personality is filling it in with fake memories? i mean, my other personalities have been quiet for months now. i mean, there's not much mood swings lately.
also, ive been withdrawing from people lately. if that is true then people wont have a clue if im up to something weird or doing something weird. so asking things from them wont be much help.
its really hard to know or realize if youve gone mad. how could you possibly determine if you're crazy right? if you still have a sense of sanity, the fact that your crazy means that the insane side has taken over. if it has taken over, then sanity would have a hard time taking control again because insanity itself is seen to be something very irrational. how can a rational sane mind fight the irrational when it follows no rules? by forcing conformity? i mean, thats the safest approach sanity can adopt, i think. just follow the rules of conformity and socially acceptable practices. you cant go wrong with that right? an insane mind cant possibly exist in a strictly conformist world. as logn as sanity can force this in the insane mind, control can be regained by sanity. problem is, what if that is exactly what insanity wants sanity to think. that insanity is making sanity to believe that the person is living in the world and conforming to its norms when in fact, its all make believe or all in the head. its like making sanity think that the world is moving when reality the world is standing still. if insanity is in control, it can pull off all the illusion and different forms of deception it possibly can. it is an erratic force of irrationality. but isnt the fact that im writing this means im sane. well yes if i really am writing this and someone from the real and sane world can read this.
Friday, July 6, 2007
another rage entry?
ever since this semester started, i dont recall an instance where i was glad to be home. everytime i got home, i wished i was somewhere else, like studying in the library. thats why i dont eat my dinners at home from tuesday to thursday. i just dont want to go home or stay home. thats also why im staying longer in the library, opting to study there as long as i could. why dont i want to go home? well, its still a home and not just a house. it just so happens that i dont like it. i just end up getting pissed the moment i enter it. actually, the only place i like in it is my room, where i usually lock myself up. other than my room, the PC is the next best thing in it. since highschool, ive wanted to have a place of my own but im too lazy to do something about it. if i didnt go to lawschool, might have saved some money to move in a cheap apartment.
Monday, July 2, 2007
lost again!
tired of losing battles with myself! Eve6 would probably say, "change your mind!" or change your state of mind. it isnt that easy! especially when my mind has the advantage over me. it just sucks. i mean, here i was trying to improve myself and when im drained and trying to recharge myself to continue my momentum on studying habitually, my mind pulls a fast one on me. since im too drained to resist the intense feeling of laziness and the headaches my mind is throwing at me, i gave up and just slept, hoping by the time i wake up, my mind would be a little clearer. when i got home, still feeling very drained. slept again. hours later, my mind seems to have a good hold on me, i cant force myself to do anything but sleep. not that i dont want to study (actually that's what i want to do right now), but try as i might, (and i did try several times), my mind either makes me feel like i took a sleeping pill, or it hovers somewhere else, meaning i cant focus on what im doing. and right now, my "spidey" sense is tingling. ok, not tingling and not even spidey sense. i dont even know what it is. well, its a rash. a rash that appears on the same spot on my arm from time to time and varies in size. i dont know what it means or what it signifies everytime it appears. but its there now and its itchy. actually, its not a rash, im sorry, its more of an insect bite. and like i said, it appears from time to time and its on the same exact spot on my arm. it wasnt there when i switched on the PC but its there after i talked on the phone. i just dont know why an insect bite looking rash appears and disappears. there's got to be a reason. anyway, im digressing, going back to losing battles to myself. it sucks! im really getting tired of it. other people would say i just lack of discipline. maybe they are right but try telling that to the ones who takes charge of my brain whenever im drained. i mean, thats the only time the inmates run the asylum, when im too weak to protest and counter their stealth attacks. its a never ending conflict inside my head.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
pick up line
not sure if someone already thought of this but my line involves saying that im an exorcist. why? cmon, cant guess why? hint: what enters a guy's mind if he sees a sizzling hot chick. or what does he want to do.
Friday, June 29, 2007
fucked up. thats what you are.
this is turning into the blog of a rageaholic. actually, this blog started as that kind of blog.
anyway im sleepy and pissed. im pissed with some people's lack of understanding or perception that they are fucking different. what's pisses me off more is that they cant fucking accept it. why? because they fear rejection. so they strive to claim they're normal when they cant substantiate their claims. thats bullshit driven life! that's the reason why they are being rejected in the first place! they refuse to fucking accept things and insist on making a fool of themselves. they are even fucking sensitive of the most non-sensical stuff. hey, get a fucking life! because the way you are right now is annoying and youre just becoming a social liability. social liability because you aint got no significance in this goddamn world with that kind of twisted state of mind. the set of beliefs you have are yours and your alone. i have no problem with that as long as you dont fucking insist that its the belief everyone else should have! who the fuck do you think you are? im only going to listen to you if you are backed-up with facts or really attuned to the social pulse. heck, you dont even have a clue of how the society thinks dont you? what more on how society works! it obvious with the way you think and the way you act. you wont stand a chance in the real world boy! the fact that you think you're ready to face the world even with no experience or first hand knowledge, actually, not even the faintest knowledge of what reality is outside your goddamn home makes you a helpless, childish, insignificant boy! its not the age that makes a man. if you cant beat yourself and get out of the delusional state of mind you're in, then dont come complaining to me. ive had my share of demons in my head, and im still constantly having battles with them. but you dont see me pretending to be normal. i acknowledge it. i face it. i try to overcome my fears and not hide in some self-induced dreamworld or world of pretend then insist that other people should follow suit.
anyway im sleepy and pissed. im pissed with some people's lack of understanding or perception that they are fucking different. what's pisses me off more is that they cant fucking accept it. why? because they fear rejection. so they strive to claim they're normal when they cant substantiate their claims. thats bullshit driven life! that's the reason why they are being rejected in the first place! they refuse to fucking accept things and insist on making a fool of themselves. they are even fucking sensitive of the most non-sensical stuff. hey, get a fucking life! because the way you are right now is annoying and youre just becoming a social liability. social liability because you aint got no significance in this goddamn world with that kind of twisted state of mind. the set of beliefs you have are yours and your alone. i have no problem with that as long as you dont fucking insist that its the belief everyone else should have! who the fuck do you think you are? im only going to listen to you if you are backed-up with facts or really attuned to the social pulse. heck, you dont even have a clue of how the society thinks dont you? what more on how society works! it obvious with the way you think and the way you act. you wont stand a chance in the real world boy! the fact that you think you're ready to face the world even with no experience or first hand knowledge, actually, not even the faintest knowledge of what reality is outside your goddamn home makes you a helpless, childish, insignificant boy! its not the age that makes a man. if you cant beat yourself and get out of the delusional state of mind you're in, then dont come complaining to me. ive had my share of demons in my head, and im still constantly having battles with them. but you dont see me pretending to be normal. i acknowledge it. i face it. i try to overcome my fears and not hide in some self-induced dreamworld or world of pretend then insist that other people should follow suit.
Friday, June 22, 2007
again
did i just say i hate it here? to reiterate, i fuckin hate it here. and bayantel, fuck you! what the fuck is wrong with your internet service! nice customer service is not equal to good internet service
offends the senses...well, offensive to the ears
like i said, one reason i keep my mouth shut is because i have nothing good to say because i really have a very arrogant mind. another reason i keep my mouth shut is because, this is related to what ive said, the things i say offends people, like my uber green mindedness. it would appear that the only thing i always think about it sex or something most would consider as sexual harassment. its not like i could say a compliment to a girl with a nice shirt by saying, "hey, nice shirt, i like the way it hugs your tits". i mean, it does look nice and it also makes her tits look good too. but people would find that offensive, especially when said out loud. its not like im telling her that her tits are perfect for some nice breast fucking. its just a statement of fact that with the shirt she's wearing, the only thing a guy can see or focus on is her wonderful, nicely shaped breasts! that made the shirt nice. at least she knows what some guys think. wait, thats not green mindedness, thats just an offensive comment that could send me to jail! what the crap am i talking about.
anyway, maybe the next time someone asks me why im so quiet, i would reply "fuck! cunt! slut! cocksucking motherfucker who screws any horny son of a bitch and licks the pussies of drunk whores!" and if they get offended, i would add "thats why im quiet, my concept of freedom of speech is not the same as what you people are willing to hear. my concept is the one civilized people want to regulate. the moment i say what i think, they say that's where the limits of the freedom of speech begins." i agree with them but unfortunately, i do have a very dirty mind so i better control my filthy mouth. ooh, filthy.
anyway, maybe the next time someone asks me why im so quiet, i would reply "fuck! cunt! slut! cocksucking motherfucker who screws any horny son of a bitch and licks the pussies of drunk whores!" and if they get offended, i would add "thats why im quiet, my concept of freedom of speech is not the same as what you people are willing to hear. my concept is the one civilized people want to regulate. the moment i say what i think, they say that's where the limits of the freedom of speech begins." i agree with them but unfortunately, i do have a very dirty mind so i better control my filthy mouth. ooh, filthy.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
arrogant? yeah right
ive been told a couple of times that im an arrogant jerk. Ha! they havent seen me in my full blown arrogant mode. if they already think im arrogant, well, they wont be able to take what i am when i dont try to control myself. i mean, im always exerting some self-control and they dont even sense that? and the reason im arrogant or very arrogant towards some people is that because, maybe, just maybe, they are worth treating like trash! now, thats arrogant, right? not yet. what made them trash is because they dont recognize greatness. that greatness is right in front of them! they are stubborn, ignorant and clueless idiots who think they should be treated like i am their equal or that we are equals. ha! i may have stopped seeing myself as a superior being but i havent abandoned the fact that there are inferior people that walk this God forsaken planet. and if these inferior people dont know how to improve themselves and evolve, then they should be treated like trash. because that is what they fuckin are. and i dont like to be bothered by these useless creatures who assumed a human like form.
now, that's just annoyingly arrogant right? see, if they think ive shown them arrogance, then well, they will just have to either keep up with it or stop talking to me. im doing the best i can not to crush people by saying what i really think. that is one reason i keep my mouth shut, because i dont have anything good to say.
now, that's just annoyingly arrogant right? see, if they think ive shown them arrogance, then well, they will just have to either keep up with it or stop talking to me. im doing the best i can not to crush people by saying what i really think. that is one reason i keep my mouth shut, because i dont have anything good to say.
need sleep
its been what? two weeks? two weeks of sleeping around 2am or 3am. need to sleep more! its making me sicker in the head, fucking up my already fucked up sense of existence!
jessica alba is just sizzling hot
jessica alba is so hot! i dont understand what makes her hot but does it matter? well, i was thinking a few days ago that if someone looked like jessica alba, it just not the same. even if she looks prettier, its not jessica alba. there's just something about her...or what she has become. i mean, i first saw her (or noticed her) in Idle Hands (because i didnt know she was in the movie Never Been Kissed), and she wasnt that hot. she was hot but not as sizzling hot as today. she's so hot, if she had children today (cant say if she will be hot forever) i wont be surprised if her own son falls in love with her or her own daughter becomes a lesbian. i know its disturbing and jessica alba would probably be scared to have children if that is likely to happen but im just saying there's something different with jessica alba's hotness. i would have posted a pic of her but there's just so many nice pics of her, i find it hard not to post a lot of them.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
definition of terms
i slept around 4am and woke up around 1030am. anyway, here's a few nice words.
drive-by shooting: the act of taking a picture while driving a car, especially while driving at high speeds.
gut-instinct: the habit of tucking one's stomach to hide it. people who do this usually have large bellies or a slight beer belly
drive-by shooting: the act of taking a picture while driving a car, especially while driving at high speeds.
gut-instinct: the habit of tucking one's stomach to hide it. people who do this usually have large bellies or a slight beer belly
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
flash of beige
its past midnight on a tuesday morning...very early morning. was complaining a while ago im sober again (its a monday night and im sober! fuck, i miss the good ol days when i can drink to my heart's content...well, until im too drunk to keep myself awake).
anyway, something flashed in my head a few seconds ago. a nice piece of ass wearing this sexy beige panties. weird part is, when it flashed in my head, i had this feeling of familiarity with that ass with the beige panties on. it is as if, ive seen it before up close, real close. how close? about a foot away from my face. but i cant remember seeing that hot panty covered ass before. why the feeling of familiarity as if it happened before? maybe i need to go to sleep.
anyway, something flashed in my head a few seconds ago. a nice piece of ass wearing this sexy beige panties. weird part is, when it flashed in my head, i had this feeling of familiarity with that ass with the beige panties on. it is as if, ive seen it before up close, real close. how close? about a foot away from my face. but i cant remember seeing that hot panty covered ass before. why the feeling of familiarity as if it happened before? maybe i need to go to sleep.
Friday, March 30, 2007
problem is...
Seems like ive got lots of problems to think about at the moment. im doing the waiting game again.
anyway, another problem is, i want to be a leader but i prevent myself from assuming any such position. so, no matter how much i would like to lead, i just have to force myself to be just a member of group. why? its easier to be just a member (meaning, the lazy ass part of me wins). but i would like to lead because i like to get things done in an efficient and effective manner. i want to create and run a well-oiled machinery!
the reason i give in to the part of myself who just want to be a member is because if i become a leader, i want absolute loyalty and compliance. i dont want to be questioned and i dont tolerate dissenters (with the exception of asking for their dissent, besides, i always give options...but giving options is an illusion).
so, im really more of a totalitarian. i demand the trust of those who want me to lead them, and not doubt my judgment. but of course, when i lead, i make sure i know what people want from me, what they expect me to do, my powers and its limits. also, i must know my members' capabilities and limits and potential. that ive been entrusted to run the group and do the tasks as efficiently and effectively as possible. that's how i like to do things. but, people dont like a dictator right? besides, sometimes i cant expect the group to run at the same pace as i am, so ill just end up disappointed (so im a bit of a slave-driver sometimes). so better just stay in the backseat and allow someone else to run the show. people want democracy, people want freedom. i want them too, but i think a little bit of dictatorship is good sometimes. because there are some who are just plain undisciplined and those who deserve no mercy.
anyway, another problem is, i want to be a leader but i prevent myself from assuming any such position. so, no matter how much i would like to lead, i just have to force myself to be just a member of group. why? its easier to be just a member (meaning, the lazy ass part of me wins). but i would like to lead because i like to get things done in an efficient and effective manner. i want to create and run a well-oiled machinery!
the reason i give in to the part of myself who just want to be a member is because if i become a leader, i want absolute loyalty and compliance. i dont want to be questioned and i dont tolerate dissenters (with the exception of asking for their dissent, besides, i always give options...but giving options is an illusion).
so, im really more of a totalitarian. i demand the trust of those who want me to lead them, and not doubt my judgment. but of course, when i lead, i make sure i know what people want from me, what they expect me to do, my powers and its limits. also, i must know my members' capabilities and limits and potential. that ive been entrusted to run the group and do the tasks as efficiently and effectively as possible. that's how i like to do things. but, people dont like a dictator right? besides, sometimes i cant expect the group to run at the same pace as i am, so ill just end up disappointed (so im a bit of a slave-driver sometimes). so better just stay in the backseat and allow someone else to run the show. people want democracy, people want freedom. i want them too, but i think a little bit of dictatorship is good sometimes. because there are some who are just plain undisciplined and those who deserve no mercy.
problem is...
another fucking problem of mine is that i dont have the word "blame" in my vocabulary. so no matter how much blameworthy a person is, i dont blame anyone and will not blame anyone. fucking frustrating aint it? so ill just have to find a way to rationalize the situation. blaming someone would make things easier but, it wont solve the problem now would it?
problem is....
you know what my problem is? i think im looking for someone more reliable than me. just a theory. a theory to explain why i dont easily fall for a girl. im not saying girls arent reliable, its just that, the ones i like dont seem to be more reliable than me. why do they have to be more reliable? so i would be impressed of course! call me an arrogant jerk or an asshole because i am.
i think its been a decade now
been a decade? decade of what? decade of saying: "God, im sorry but i hate it here! when can i leave? im tired of this life and this place, this planet. im tired of everything."
but i know God knows, that deep in my heart, there's something small, a small part of me deep within, saying, "maybe things wont be that bad tomorrow". that small part is like a trace amount of optimism in a pessimistic person. its a needle in a haystack thing, obviously, the needle is optimism and the haystack is pessimism. but its not about finding optimism within pessimism but knowing its there. it may not be seen but it can be felt. it can prick anyone if someone accidentally comes across it. and the fact its there makes a whole lot of difference.
so what's the point of this entry? even if i've been chanting this...this...whatever you call what i said on the first paragraph, as long as there's a part of me that's hoping, i remain human and must stay here. this where humans belong. ok, im just throwing underdeveloped ideas. sorry, its 3am in the morning.
but i know God knows, that deep in my heart, there's something small, a small part of me deep within, saying, "maybe things wont be that bad tomorrow". that small part is like a trace amount of optimism in a pessimistic person. its a needle in a haystack thing, obviously, the needle is optimism and the haystack is pessimism. but its not about finding optimism within pessimism but knowing its there. it may not be seen but it can be felt. it can prick anyone if someone accidentally comes across it. and the fact its there makes a whole lot of difference.
so what's the point of this entry? even if i've been chanting this...this...whatever you call what i said on the first paragraph, as long as there's a part of me that's hoping, i remain human and must stay here. this where humans belong. ok, im just throwing underdeveloped ideas. sorry, its 3am in the morning.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
what would be nice?
what would be nice right now, and i mean right at this moment, is a light rain. is there such a thing as light rain? what i mean is a drizzle. a fine, gentle, misty rain. just thinking of it is making me feel better already. the thought of a gentle cool air. relaxing. because right now, the summer heat is really making itself felt at 12am in the morning. in addition to the cool, misty midnight would be a nice, soft couch. yup, a nice comfy couch. and to make things perfect is a girl. a very pretty girl. me, sitting beside a very pretty girl on a comfy couch on a nice cool evening. maybe someone like jennifer garner. that would be nice. why her? i dont know, it just so happens im getting some jennifer garner wallpapers right now for my wallpaper collection. wait. thats not quite perfect. what would complete things is some good snack. a box of pizza and liter of coca-cola or pepsi cino. aah. that would really be relaxing isnt it. so there. what would be nice, right at this moment is spending a cool and relaxing rainy night with a pretty girl on a couch with some good food to eat. yup. that would really make my night. unfortunately, i cant control the weather, i dont have that comfy sofa, im not with a pretty girl, i cant order pizza and i ran out of cola. great huh?
Monday, March 19, 2007
just a thought
just a thought: wedding crashing psycho
i was watching The Guru (starring movie hottie Heather Graham) the other day and thought of The Wedding Crashers (because of the ending in The Guru) and it got me thinking. is it possible to be this guy who would show up at weddings and object on allowing the couple to get married? why you ask? well, just for the sake of objecting. i mean, when the priest starts to ask whether there's someone who objects or has a reason why the bride and groom should not be married, i would shout "i do!". then, i would make up a bogus reason or story and see if the bride would have second thoughts of getting married. of course, im a complete stranger so i guess i better sit at the back so i could run away from the angry mob. there surely would be an angry mob because i just ruined a precious moment of a person's life. harsh right? so i was thinking whether i could be this professional wedding crashing pyscho. so who would hire me? of course, those who wants revenge on one of the couples. am i that heartless? maybe.
i was watching The Guru (starring movie hottie Heather Graham) the other day and thought of The Wedding Crashers (because of the ending in The Guru) and it got me thinking. is it possible to be this guy who would show up at weddings and object on allowing the couple to get married? why you ask? well, just for the sake of objecting. i mean, when the priest starts to ask whether there's someone who objects or has a reason why the bride and groom should not be married, i would shout "i do!". then, i would make up a bogus reason or story and see if the bride would have second thoughts of getting married. of course, im a complete stranger so i guess i better sit at the back so i could run away from the angry mob. there surely would be an angry mob because i just ruined a precious moment of a person's life. harsh right? so i was thinking whether i could be this professional wedding crashing pyscho. so who would hire me? of course, those who wants revenge on one of the couples. am i that heartless? maybe.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
oooh...strokes of affection
This is just insane...ive been singing this song for quite some time now. i dont know if this is gross, or sick or what. i guess this is what happens when you should be sleeping but you refuse to sleep.
Himas
Nothing more than Himas
Trying to forget my
Himas of love
Imagine
Making Himas your face
Trying to forget my
Himas of love
Himaaas!
For all my life i'll Himas
I wish I'd never himas you
You'll make me himas again
Himaas, oh oh himas
Himas you again in my arms.
Himas,
Himas Like I've never himas you
And himas like I've never
himas you again in my heart.
Nothing more than Himas
Trying to forget my
Himas of love
Imagine
Making Himas your face
Trying to forget my
Himas of love
Himaaas!
For all my life i'll Himas
I wish I'd never himas you
You'll make me himas again
Himaas, oh oh himas
Himas you again in my arms.
Himas,
Himas Like I've never himas you
And himas like I've never
himas you again in my heart.
doesnt make sense, but it does have an amusing effect
Saturday, February 24, 2007
waiter!
why is it im a waiter?
i looked up the word "wait" in a dictionary and here is what it has to say about the word "wait":
a. To remain or rest in expectation
b. To remain or be in readiness
c. To remain inactive in one place while expecting something.
d. time during which some action is awaited
e. stay in one place and anticipate or expect something
f. look forward to the probable occurrence of
ok, all of them means the same thing. point is, why do i always wait for things to happen? like im some disinterested or indifferent being not affected by what's happening in this world. i just sit there and let things happen and if nothing happens, so be it. and what made me think about this? i dont know, it just crossed my mind. well, not really. it just so happens that i have nothing to do at the moment. its 30 mins before midnight and i would like to watch a movie (and ive already seen 3 movies in less than a week!). of course, i cant watch a movie at this time of night. so, what can i do? i cant make anything happen in my favor, now can i? so i will just have to wait. wait a minute, that's not the kind of waiting im talking about! its really hard to talk to myself lately, i mean, there is only one mind but i dont even get what i am saying to myself. how messed up is that?
i looked up the word "wait" in a dictionary and here is what it has to say about the word "wait":
a. To remain or rest in expectation
b. To remain or be in readiness
c. To remain inactive in one place while expecting something.
d. time during which some action is awaited
e. stay in one place and anticipate or expect something
f. look forward to the probable occurrence of
ok, all of them means the same thing. point is, why do i always wait for things to happen? like im some disinterested or indifferent being not affected by what's happening in this world. i just sit there and let things happen and if nothing happens, so be it. and what made me think about this? i dont know, it just crossed my mind. well, not really. it just so happens that i have nothing to do at the moment. its 30 mins before midnight and i would like to watch a movie (and ive already seen 3 movies in less than a week!). of course, i cant watch a movie at this time of night. so, what can i do? i cant make anything happen in my favor, now can i? so i will just have to wait. wait a minute, that's not the kind of waiting im talking about! its really hard to talk to myself lately, i mean, there is only one mind but i dont even get what i am saying to myself. how messed up is that?
Inmates Running the Asylum
i dont know whether im losing my mind or losing control. in any case, im losing something. i think.
so, lets give it some thought. why would i say im losing my mind? i dont know, maybe because its getting harder and harder to think like a sane person? its like going mad is the only right thing to do! but isnt that just losing control of one's mind? i mean, if you become insane, you've lost your mind, and if you've lost your mind, you've just lost control of yourself. so, does that mean, im controlling my own mind? of course. so, i am like a slave to myself because i exercise mind control over myself? but i am the one who is exercising control over myself, then im also the master. so im a master and slave of myself? ok...i think im just trying to confuse myself.
ok, lets change it a bit. lets go inside the mind. and in the mind, there are a number of persons...or personalities. lets not count how many because its not very relevant, so lets just say more than a handful. ok, weve got these personalities inside the mind, all of them separate and distinct from one another. all of them have their own so-called "functions".
they started out like office workers in cubicles, compartmentalized and not aware of each other's existence. back then, all they did was wait for the big boss' orders. of course, there had to be a boss in the mind to exercise control over these personalities. after all, they are all inside one mind, and one body. so, these personalities just waited to be summoned and act on particular instances.
anyway, after some time, they eventually noticed there are other cubicles, so they thought, there are others in there. one of them probably got curious and peeked in the other cubicles. to cut the story short, all of them eventually learned of each other's existence and started interacting with each other. so the mind became a busy place, not only for work purposes but also for socializing purposes.
of course, like in an office, there are those who get along and those who dont. friendships are formed and also animosity. but unlike in an office, these personalities are together 24 hours a day. they are all in one mind. they cant go anywhere.
so tension and confusion starts to build up inside the mind. at the same time, the boss tries everything he can to stay in control. in control of what? in control of both the personalities and of the mind. so how does he do that? unlike in an office, it isnt that easy. a mind is a tricky and twisted place to be in when there are lots of personalities in it, especially personalities who have intentions of taking over the mind.
so far, the boss is still in control of the mind, but is starting to lose control over some of the personalities. its getting hard for him to pull all of them together and work as one unit. he's starting to lose track of some personalities. so, he must consider the possibility that there are personalities planning to do some sort of coup. if there is, the most the boss can hope for is that, its the good ones. but would the good ones even attempt to seize control over the mind?
so there lies the problem of the boss, there is a fear that he might lose control of the mind over some not so good personalities. what's not so good about them? i dont know, maybe because they are the personalities in charge with wicked, angry, sinful, violent and other negative thoughts that needs to be controlled. and i guess it wasnt a good idea to immerse some personalities in such form of duty. and over the years of not being summoned to at least release what they have been tasked to control and restrain, they are getting pissed, and starting to become heavily influenced by what they have been ordered to control. so, in the end, is this just a question of control over the mind?
so, lets give it some thought. why would i say im losing my mind? i dont know, maybe because its getting harder and harder to think like a sane person? its like going mad is the only right thing to do! but isnt that just losing control of one's mind? i mean, if you become insane, you've lost your mind, and if you've lost your mind, you've just lost control of yourself. so, does that mean, im controlling my own mind? of course. so, i am like a slave to myself because i exercise mind control over myself? but i am the one who is exercising control over myself, then im also the master. so im a master and slave of myself? ok...i think im just trying to confuse myself.
ok, lets change it a bit. lets go inside the mind. and in the mind, there are a number of persons...or personalities. lets not count how many because its not very relevant, so lets just say more than a handful. ok, weve got these personalities inside the mind, all of them separate and distinct from one another. all of them have their own so-called "functions".
they started out like office workers in cubicles, compartmentalized and not aware of each other's existence. back then, all they did was wait for the big boss' orders. of course, there had to be a boss in the mind to exercise control over these personalities. after all, they are all inside one mind, and one body. so, these personalities just waited to be summoned and act on particular instances.
anyway, after some time, they eventually noticed there are other cubicles, so they thought, there are others in there. one of them probably got curious and peeked in the other cubicles. to cut the story short, all of them eventually learned of each other's existence and started interacting with each other. so the mind became a busy place, not only for work purposes but also for socializing purposes.
of course, like in an office, there are those who get along and those who dont. friendships are formed and also animosity. but unlike in an office, these personalities are together 24 hours a day. they are all in one mind. they cant go anywhere.
so tension and confusion starts to build up inside the mind. at the same time, the boss tries everything he can to stay in control. in control of what? in control of both the personalities and of the mind. so how does he do that? unlike in an office, it isnt that easy. a mind is a tricky and twisted place to be in when there are lots of personalities in it, especially personalities who have intentions of taking over the mind.
so far, the boss is still in control of the mind, but is starting to lose control over some of the personalities. its getting hard for him to pull all of them together and work as one unit. he's starting to lose track of some personalities. so, he must consider the possibility that there are personalities planning to do some sort of coup. if there is, the most the boss can hope for is that, its the good ones. but would the good ones even attempt to seize control over the mind?
so there lies the problem of the boss, there is a fear that he might lose control of the mind over some not so good personalities. what's not so good about them? i dont know, maybe because they are the personalities in charge with wicked, angry, sinful, violent and other negative thoughts that needs to be controlled. and i guess it wasnt a good idea to immerse some personalities in such form of duty. and over the years of not being summoned to at least release what they have been tasked to control and restrain, they are getting pissed, and starting to become heavily influenced by what they have been ordered to control. so, in the end, is this just a question of control over the mind?
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
turbulence
want another psycho shit? well, around lunchtime, a thought entered my head. there's something bothering me lately and cant determine what. anyway, this thought is like an attempt to try to give an explanation for what's up with me. and of course, its a thought that is just absurd, that is why its a psycho shit and it goes like this:
could it be possible that i have a psychic link with my future self? or even past self? and right now, a self in the past or future is experiencing some emotional turbulence of some sort and its affecting the present self? or maybe, i am about to reach a time in my life where something life changing could occur? something so significant that its like a defining moment that would change the course of my life? if that's true, then there can be no way i could figure out what my problem is because the problem does not exist in the present. that's why i cant see the problem.
ok, thank you very much voice-in-my-head-with-a-wild-imagination-giving-absurd-explanations. i would accept that explanation though, if it can be proven. and how could that be proven? i dont know, show me a time machine? or a flash disk with a recording of my future self trying to talk to me, saying that its true and it goes like this:
static....then an image of a guy appears and says:
"hello february 2007 self, this is me...or you...or us...anyway we are one and the same, i think you get that. the retardation you are undergoing isnt that bad yet for you not to recognize me. anyway, i am you in 5 years and yes you are still alive after five years, obviously. actually you will live a bit longer than we wanted. anyway, im fucked up right now, so fucked up, you can feel what im feeling. and the reason why it has to be you in what you call your present and not in some other time like when you were 18 or something, is because, you are the one that is responsible for this mess you placed me, or you, or us, in. you made this goddamn idiotic decision or allowed this incident to happen or did this act, choose one that applies, on that particular time, which, following the natural order of things for the next five years, would lead me or you or us here. can i speak in the third person? i think that would be easier. anyway, that's all. dammit, should have written my message. i hope you understood what i just said. anyway, this isnt one of those messages that self-destruct. you can play this message again in case things arent clear. oh by the way, just got a message from our future self last week, way much further in the future, and he asked me to tell you, well not really you but anyone in the earlier part of our life, to follow what reason tells you. the voice of reason may not feel good sometimes but hey, at least reason is the one who's thinking. actually, that message by our future self is the one that bothered me, which lead to this messed up situation i am in which i was able to trace to you. anyway, i would like to tell you more about what will happen to you in the next five years, but knowing you, because you're me, i know there are some things you wont like. or would prefer not to know at the moment. but since i cant help myself, a surprise is coming your way...soon. i dont think that statement would spoil it, now would it.
static appears again
now, if that message did happen, then, and only then, will i believe there is such a thing as a psychic link between the present self and the future self.
could it be possible that i have a psychic link with my future self? or even past self? and right now, a self in the past or future is experiencing some emotional turbulence of some sort and its affecting the present self? or maybe, i am about to reach a time in my life where something life changing could occur? something so significant that its like a defining moment that would change the course of my life? if that's true, then there can be no way i could figure out what my problem is because the problem does not exist in the present. that's why i cant see the problem.
ok, thank you very much voice-in-my-head-with-a-wild-imagination-giving-absurd-explanations. i would accept that explanation though, if it can be proven. and how could that be proven? i dont know, show me a time machine? or a flash disk with a recording of my future self trying to talk to me, saying that its true and it goes like this:
static....then an image of a guy appears and says:
"hello february 2007 self, this is me...or you...or us...anyway we are one and the same, i think you get that. the retardation you are undergoing isnt that bad yet for you not to recognize me. anyway, i am you in 5 years and yes you are still alive after five years, obviously. actually you will live a bit longer than we wanted. anyway, im fucked up right now, so fucked up, you can feel what im feeling. and the reason why it has to be you in what you call your present and not in some other time like when you were 18 or something, is because, you are the one that is responsible for this mess you placed me, or you, or us, in. you made this goddamn idiotic decision or allowed this incident to happen or did this act, choose one that applies, on that particular time, which, following the natural order of things for the next five years, would lead me or you or us here. can i speak in the third person? i think that would be easier. anyway, that's all. dammit, should have written my message. i hope you understood what i just said. anyway, this isnt one of those messages that self-destruct. you can play this message again in case things arent clear. oh by the way, just got a message from our future self last week, way much further in the future, and he asked me to tell you, well not really you but anyone in the earlier part of our life, to follow what reason tells you. the voice of reason may not feel good sometimes but hey, at least reason is the one who's thinking. actually, that message by our future self is the one that bothered me, which lead to this messed up situation i am in which i was able to trace to you. anyway, i would like to tell you more about what will happen to you in the next five years, but knowing you, because you're me, i know there are some things you wont like. or would prefer not to know at the moment. but since i cant help myself, a surprise is coming your way...soon. i dont think that statement would spoil it, now would it.
static appears again
now, if that message did happen, then, and only then, will i believe there is such a thing as a psychic link between the present self and the future self.
Friday, February 16, 2007
last 24 hours
just woke up. feeling a bit better, feeling more sane. anyway, this song somehow says something of the last 27 hours before i slept a few hours ago.
Crash
by Aerosmith
Sitting on a castle
On the floor with Esmeralda
Waiting for the Geezer
Captain Crunch to come around
Feeling suicidal
´Coz of certain situations
Hanging from the stairs
Too long
I think I'm coming down
It´s time to crash
Losin´ my mind, losin´ my mind, losin´ my mind
Yeah it´s time to crash
Doin´ tons on colon blow
Stuffing it in every hole
Miles high so am I
Watching Jimi kiss the sky
Salle diner becomes a blur
With everybody jammin´
Republicans begin to sin
The batwings start a slamming
It´s time to crash
Losin´ my mind, losin´ my mind, losin´ my mind
Maybe it´s a little late but it´s time to crash
You drive me crazy
Captain Billy Beemish
Put a lamb up on a rack
Thanks for coming Billy
And we hope you´re coming back
The castle will be waiting
For next bangers and mash
Blanche and Marsha Reznick
Put their marmite with their hash
It´s time to crash
Losin´ my mind, losin´ my mind, losin´ my mind
Yeah it´s time to crash
Crash
by Aerosmith
Sitting on a castle
On the floor with Esmeralda
Waiting for the Geezer
Captain Crunch to come around
Feeling suicidal
´Coz of certain situations
Hanging from the stairs
Too long
I think I'm coming down
It´s time to crash
Losin´ my mind, losin´ my mind, losin´ my mind
Yeah it´s time to crash
Doin´ tons on colon blow
Stuffing it in every hole
Miles high so am I
Watching Jimi kiss the sky
Salle diner becomes a blur
With everybody jammin´
Republicans begin to sin
The batwings start a slamming
It´s time to crash
Losin´ my mind, losin´ my mind, losin´ my mind
Maybe it´s a little late but it´s time to crash
You drive me crazy
Captain Billy Beemish
Put a lamb up on a rack
Thanks for coming Billy
And we hope you´re coming back
The castle will be waiting
For next bangers and mash
Blanche and Marsha Reznick
Put their marmite with their hash
It´s time to crash
Losin´ my mind, losin´ my mind, losin´ my mind
Yeah it´s time to crash
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
the replacement
want to read a psycho shit of a story?
i watched this portion of Rated K about doppelgangers a few days ago and it got me thinking, what if im a doppelganger? of course thats not possible because i have a reflection on the mirror and i have a shadow. that's proof enough im not a doppelganger. but what if, i have assumed the identity of the original person and that is why i have a shadow and reflection, like ive transplanted myself in this world already by replacing the original me. i mean, i started out as a doppelganger and i have successfully replaced the original human by assuming his identity and destroying the original. and then, because of that successful replacement, i was able to incorporate his memories to my mind, to complete the process of the assuming his identity, and it also created the effect of giving me his shadow and the ability to have a reflection. so that would explain why there was a personality change years ago, from an extrovert to an introvert (which i didnt notice, because from my point of view, nothing really changed, it was only when people pointed out to me that i have changed did i notice the difference). makes sense doesnt it? the doppelganger has always been considered as the opposite of the original person it is copying. what if that was the case? if that is the case, that would explain why i feel that i dont fit in this world, because im not naturally part of this world. as a doppelganger, i merely introduced myself to this world and assumed the identity of someone who is really fixed in this world.
there are some who say a doppelganger is a homunculus, a being with no soul. well, i would say that is true as long as the original person being mimicked still exists. by replacing the original and destroying him, the doppelganger is in effect taking everything from the original, including the soul, so he truly becomes the original. only difference is, he is the opposite when it comes to the personality. so far, that's the way i understood it. so does that mean i cant have a doppelganger anymore? because even if i have become the original, i am still in essence a doppelganger. i dont know, maybe im just trying too hard to find an explanation for my eccentric existence.
i watched this portion of Rated K about doppelgangers a few days ago and it got me thinking, what if im a doppelganger? of course thats not possible because i have a reflection on the mirror and i have a shadow. that's proof enough im not a doppelganger. but what if, i have assumed the identity of the original person and that is why i have a shadow and reflection, like ive transplanted myself in this world already by replacing the original me. i mean, i started out as a doppelganger and i have successfully replaced the original human by assuming his identity and destroying the original. and then, because of that successful replacement, i was able to incorporate his memories to my mind, to complete the process of the assuming his identity, and it also created the effect of giving me his shadow and the ability to have a reflection. so that would explain why there was a personality change years ago, from an extrovert to an introvert (which i didnt notice, because from my point of view, nothing really changed, it was only when people pointed out to me that i have changed did i notice the difference). makes sense doesnt it? the doppelganger has always been considered as the opposite of the original person it is copying. what if that was the case? if that is the case, that would explain why i feel that i dont fit in this world, because im not naturally part of this world. as a doppelganger, i merely introduced myself to this world and assumed the identity of someone who is really fixed in this world.
there are some who say a doppelganger is a homunculus, a being with no soul. well, i would say that is true as long as the original person being mimicked still exists. by replacing the original and destroying him, the doppelganger is in effect taking everything from the original, including the soul, so he truly becomes the original. only difference is, he is the opposite when it comes to the personality. so far, that's the way i understood it. so does that mean i cant have a doppelganger anymore? because even if i have become the original, i am still in essence a doppelganger. i dont know, maybe im just trying too hard to find an explanation for my eccentric existence.
Monday, February 5, 2007
learn how to drive you moron!
commuters and pedestrians should learn how to drive so that they could realize how inconsiderate they are to drivers and owners of vehicles. some pedestrians cross the road without regard for the motorist's safety. damn pieces of shit! they dont just put their lives in danger, they also put the motorist in hazardous situations! and when they get hit, what do they do? they sue! well, if they live of course. well, there are heirs too. anyway, they ask for compensation! how dare you mr or miss foolish pedestrian! ask a motorist to pay for your recklessness? what the crap's wrong with you? you crossed the road as if there was no vehicle in sight. you refuse to use the colorful foot bridge by the MMDA which is only a few meters away. it's there for your safety but decide to live dangerously. now you get hit because of lack of prudence or sheer stubbornness and now you ask for compensation? well, that's civil liability for you silly motorist.
as for the commuters, well, they are just plain lazy and inconsiderate. they always ask the jeepney driver to let them get off anywhere they want! there really should be designated jeepney stops, like in UP Diliman, where the sheds are usually the loading and unloading zones. the UP drivers follow this! there are commuters who would ask the jeep to stop, in the middle of the road, and they would bang their fist on the jeep's ceiling! holy crap you dimwit! the jeep needs to slow down first and look for a convenient parking spot in order not to be an obstruction in the road. there are some commuters who would get off after another commuter just got off a few meters away. too lazy to walk? and of course, there are those commuters who would rather have the jeepney driver violate the traffic rules. why? because if the driver gets caught, they are not the ones who will pay! so, they would shout at the driver, let them alight from the vehicle, insist even if the driver would say that it's not a loading and unloading zone. they dont care, they want to get off, now!
of course drivers have their faults too, but most of the time, their faults are that they put the commuters and pedestrians life in danger by driving too fast and recklessly. but as for pedestrians and commuters, their fault, well, some of them, come from their ignorance of driving. if they knew how to drive, they wouldnt do those annoying things they do. or so i think.
as for the commuters, well, they are just plain lazy and inconsiderate. they always ask the jeepney driver to let them get off anywhere they want! there really should be designated jeepney stops, like in UP Diliman, where the sheds are usually the loading and unloading zones. the UP drivers follow this! there are commuters who would ask the jeep to stop, in the middle of the road, and they would bang their fist on the jeep's ceiling! holy crap you dimwit! the jeep needs to slow down first and look for a convenient parking spot in order not to be an obstruction in the road. there are some commuters who would get off after another commuter just got off a few meters away. too lazy to walk? and of course, there are those commuters who would rather have the jeepney driver violate the traffic rules. why? because if the driver gets caught, they are not the ones who will pay! so, they would shout at the driver, let them alight from the vehicle, insist even if the driver would say that it's not a loading and unloading zone. they dont care, they want to get off, now!
of course drivers have their faults too, but most of the time, their faults are that they put the commuters and pedestrians life in danger by driving too fast and recklessly. but as for pedestrians and commuters, their fault, well, some of them, come from their ignorance of driving. if they knew how to drive, they wouldnt do those annoying things they do. or so i think.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
doctor, doctor i am sick
ever went to the doctor and hear him ask this question: "have you engaged in sexual intercourse in the past two weeks?"
and he has that facial expression where he seems to have already formulated an answer to the question but asks it anyway so he could hear you say the answer. and he would then insist that the answer must be truthful as possible in order for him to prescribe the correct medication. and then you try to recall the past two weeks. where have you been? who were you with? what did you do? holy crap! two weeks! that's a long time! its just another one of those summer vacations where there is no everyday routine like going to school! nothing is really planned during the summer vacation except big barkada out of towns or family vacations. and then you slowly remember the things that happened within that two weeks. so you are about to say you're answer. problem is the answer is neither a yes or no! you're not sure! what the? if you cant be sure about it, then, well, they must have been really wild parties, or you're the one who just likes to get wasted, anytime and anywhere. f*ck fear, drink beer! a little illness is nothing to a man with no fear...no fear until the results come out and hope that it's not one of those goddamn acronyms.
and he has that facial expression where he seems to have already formulated an answer to the question but asks it anyway so he could hear you say the answer. and he would then insist that the answer must be truthful as possible in order for him to prescribe the correct medication. and then you try to recall the past two weeks. where have you been? who were you with? what did you do? holy crap! two weeks! that's a long time! its just another one of those summer vacations where there is no everyday routine like going to school! nothing is really planned during the summer vacation except big barkada out of towns or family vacations. and then you slowly remember the things that happened within that two weeks. so you are about to say you're answer. problem is the answer is neither a yes or no! you're not sure! what the? if you cant be sure about it, then, well, they must have been really wild parties, or you're the one who just likes to get wasted, anytime and anywhere. f*ck fear, drink beer! a little illness is nothing to a man with no fear...no fear until the results come out and hope that it's not one of those goddamn acronyms.
Friday, February 2, 2007
umm...sorry but can i look at your..umm...
ever had those days where you can't tell whether you know this girl or not? and the only way you can be sure about it is when you get to see if she owns this type of panties? of course, you ask yourself, how the fuck could you ask her that? you can't just approach her and say "umm...im not sure if i know you, but can i look at your panties?" or "do you have this pink panties which has a ***** print on it? just wanted to confirm whether i know you". does that mean her panties are better than her face that you cant remember her? maybe just too busy paying attention to her panties then. what can you do, her panties are more interesting than her! well, not really, but at that time, it was her panties that was catching all the attention. isnt that the same thing? there's really no excuse, its her panties that you remember and not her. what a pervert! if you had these kind of days, or at least experienced this, most likely, someone has called you an asshole or a goddamn jerk. and most likely, a slap in the face from the girl if she overhears you saying this: "what girl? oh you mean the one with the so and so panties? yeah, i think i remember her. nice panties, who is she again?". not that she doesnt have a pretty face, of course she does! that's why you remember her face. problem is you're not good with names that's why you cant remember her. then what about the panties! if she's pretty then why isnt her face enough to remind you if you really know her! of course you remember her face, that's why she looks familiar. problem is, you're just not quite sure, so the panties would merely confirm it. anyway, no matter what you say, there's really no excuse for this. and since you are bound to get slapped if you actually say this, might as well say this too: "yeah you are pretty, no doubt about that, but that doesnt mean you're sexy! heck, that's why i remember your panties, it just looks so sexy. so be thankful to those panties you were wearing because if not for that, you're just another pretty face!". wait, did i say slap? i meant brutal beating.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Goin Crazy
When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake. - Narrator (Fight Club)
TBFKARI
The Blog Formerly Known As Rageaholic Insomniac.
Why the name change? well, obviously it's hard to write entries under the influence of rage, since by the time you're sitting in front of the PC to write about an infuriating experience, the rage has subsided. So, let's just focus on the insomniac attacks instead, or entries under the influence of lack of sleep. or entries of similar nature.
Why the name change? well, obviously it's hard to write entries under the influence of rage, since by the time you're sitting in front of the PC to write about an infuriating experience, the rage has subsided. So, let's just focus on the insomniac attacks instead, or entries under the influence of lack of sleep. or entries of similar nature.
Monday, January 22, 2007
idle!!!
what crap am i supposed to post here! havent been feeling "rage-y" lately. and if i did, im nowhere near a PC to write about it! does this blog seem to be useless and impractical? this blog was supposed to contain such matters that are written while under the influence of rage, or under the heavy intoxication of lack of sleep and rest.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Quotes
Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power, that is not easy. - Aristotle
Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back -- in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you. - Frederick Buechner
I was angry with my friend
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow. - William Blake
Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back -- in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you. - Frederick Buechner
I was angry with my friend
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow. - William Blake
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Rageahol...duh!
It's true... I'm a rageaholic! I just can't live without rageahol! - Homer Jay Simpson
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